


The Swing Of Things

by jaysondean (undefinedelliyit)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Kinda canon... kinda not canon, Trans!Peter Parker AU, he's just a small boy in a big world, there's more characters but i'm too lazy to list them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 00:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undefinedelliyit/pseuds/jaysondean
Summary: Peter Parker has had a complicated and messy last few years of his life. Between coming out as transgender and getting bit by a radioactive spider (causing him to develop a few superpowers) Peter is learning to just get the swing of things down, and maybe, he'll have a little help.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Peter's deadname and old pronouns aren't mentioned at all in this chapter, he's referred to as Peter the entire time. So just don't get confused, please and thank you. Anyways enjoy! :) - jason

Peter had always confided in May. He was never scared to talk to her about anything, what was even the point of being scared? She would have found out about this, and how he felt, sooner or later. Peter rather would have had it be sooner. May had been there for him throughout the entire process. Peter started questioning his gender at the age of 12. He knew he never felt quite right, or quite comfortable. But Peter never had the words to articulate just how he felt, he didn’t know what words he could possibly string together in an attempt to even begin explaining how his own skin felt like a stranger to him. And with high school and puberty right around the ever approaching corner, he was more desperate than ever to find out what was wrong with him.

Naturally, out of pure second nature, Peter turned to his Aunt May. She did nothing but listen to Peter go on for over an hour about how he didn’t feel right. May knew that she could never fully understand how Peter felt, and what exactly he was going through. But she was beyond determined to help, she’d do anything for her then-niece. It wasn’t until Peter was nearing the end of his explanation that May had brought up the idea.

“Do you think that you could be a boy?” She asked, speaking slowly and softly. Letting the idea sink in Peter’s mind for a moment. Nothing really clicked when she said that, but the discomfort within him seemed to become more prevalent at that moment. Peter thought for another moment, unsure of what to say. The thought, or rather, the idea had never occurred to him. And quite honestly, at the time, Peter didn’t even know becoming a boy would even be possible. The idea kind of fascinated him in a way, and he swore he could see a faint glimmer of hope.

“I don’t know...Can I think about it for a bit?” May smiled and reached out across the old dinner table to ruffle Peter’s hair.

“Think about it for as long as you want, bud,” Peter smiled brightly.

“Now go shower,” May laughed, pulling her hand back, “Your hair is greasy,”

And they went from there.

 

Over the course of a year, Peter and May talked frequently about Peter’s identity. May made sure she’d check in at least once every few days, and Peter always updated her if there was ever a change. May had stopped calling Peter by his birthname merely a week after their first talk. And when he was between names May would call him neutral terms. Things like “bud” or “dude”. Peter appreciated that a lot, and he made sure that May knew it. 

They’d have talks in their living room, or on Peter’s fire escape. Peter loved those talks on the fire escape the most, it seemed that everything else melted away in the world and it was just the two of them and the night sky. They both drowned out the sounds of the city below and they would sit and talk for hours. May would talk to Peter about her struggle with finding out her sexuality all of those years ago, how she had been confused and didn’t know what to do. How she went out with a girl or two to see if she’d like it, and when she ultimately decided that she didn’t. Peter really appreciated that May opened up about that to him. It made him feel just slightly less alone. Peter would tell her about his struggles with his identity, how he knew he just wasn’t a girl. And he’d talk about his sexuality with her, how he realized he was bisexual from an early age. These talks brought them closer and built up their relationship. Peter was very happy for that, he didn’t know what he’d do or where he’d be if he never told May.

The constant and undying support meant a lot to Peter. Though May could never understand how he felt, and they were both very much aware of that, it made him feel less alone. There were days when May couldn’t help him, there were days when Peter would lock himself in his room and crank up his music to full blast. There were days when Peter would lie in bed for hours on end, just staring at the wall, unmoving. The human embodiment of a void, so to speak. The confusion of not knowing, the uncomfortable sense from just living in his own body, the feeling of being lost and alone. All of those feelings would consume and hold Peter down, and try as he might, there’d be days when he just had to give in. 

Peter couldn’t stand the thought of living in the body that he was so unfortunately cursed to be in. He often found himself staring at guys for seconds too long, envy and jealousy overwhelming him. Dysphoria punching him in the chest and dragging him down. Peter’s heart clenched and ached. It all left him feeling empty and hollow on the inside.

It wasn’t until he was almost 13 that it all just clicked together, like finishing a puzzle and feeling a sense of satisfaction when the last piece finally falls in flush against the rest. He remembered it so vividly, the way his heart started soaring as he rushed into the living room. His socks making him slide against the recently cleaned wooden floor. Peter reached out to grab the wall for leverage just moments before he would have fallen down. Aunt May looked up from the magazine she had been perusing, her brown hair falling in her face as she looked at Peter with concern. A small smile crept it’s way onto her face as she saw just how ecstatic Peter looked. 

“What’s up kid?” She asked, sitting up and putting down the magazine on the cluttered coffee table.

“My name is Peter,” He couldn't help the smile that formed as the words rushed out of his mouth faster than he could think. It took May a few moments to process before she too was smiling brightly.

“This is you?” She was near tears, seeing Peter look so happy had made her heart swell with joy.

“Yeah,” Peter took a breath, “Yes this is me,” 

Peter had never seen Aunt May move so quickly. Before he knew it, she had engulfed him in a tight hug that Peter was more than happy to return with just as much emotion. Peter had finally figured it all out, now there could be progress. May had promised him from the beginning that the second he figured it all out that they’d start working towards whatever he needed instantly. And she fully intended on carrying out that promise.

They quickly found a gender therapist to go to, and May had ordered Peter a few binders. It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Peter found out that the HRT place that he wanted to go to wouldn’t let him get on T until he was 16. And though he hated the wait more than anything, Peter knew it was their best option available, and that he’d just have to tough through it. May knew how much the waiting hurt Peter, so she helped out the best she could. It started with helping Peter learn how to naturally lower his voice, and soon she offered up the idea of Peter going to a support group. May respected Peter’s wishes to stay stealth (and to eventually change schools once he got to high school) but she still thought it’d be a good idea for Peter to find other kids like him, and to talk to them and listen to their stories. It didn’t take long for Peter to agree and start going to sessions, in all honesty, he liked going there. It was a nice safe space and May was right, it was nice to talk to other kids like him. Though there wasn’t a better support system than May, well, at least not yet.

 

When Peter had been bitten by the spider, not only did he have to deal with adjusting to his new heightened senses and other various powers, he had to deal with the sudden panic and worry if these sudden and drastic changes would affect his chances of getting on testosterone in the coming years. He spent countless nights panicking over that, debating whether or not he should tell May what had happened. It didn’t take him long to stop panicking and to take these new abilities and powers and use them for good. 

For years, Peter had looked up to various superheroes, like Ironman or Captain America. He wondered if he could be like them now if he could help others the way they did. The idea and possibility washed away his anxiety and thrilled him. He wanted to be like them, he wanted to help.

One day, when May was out running errands, Peter decided that he had to stop weighing his options and to just  _ go. _ He tore apart his room looking for old clothes to use, he’d taken an old hoodie of his, one that he hadn’t worn in ages. It was old and faded, what once was a bright red fabric was now dull. Peter didn’t have a plan as he started cutting off the sleeves and putting together the perfect outfit, all he had was an idea, a name.

“I am Spider-man,” Peter whispered to himself as he worked. He liked the idea of the name,  _ Spider-man _ . No one would ever question if he was a boy or a girl, they’d all know just from the name. Peter smiled to himself and continued to stitch together the old clothes and fabric. He managed to pull together a sort of outfit, it wasn’t much, but it was a start. The clothes were loose and baggy so that he’d have an easier time hiding his chest. Peter stared for a few moments at what he had made, a big bright smile on his face. He had sewn the now sleeveless hoodie onto a light blue sweater to create a sort of franken-hoodie. Peter found old blue sweatpants that matched the blue sweater. He didn’t quite know why or how he and May owned so many matching blue and red fabrics and clothes, but Peter wasn’t going to complain seeing as it all worked out in his favor. By the end of it all, he had a mask, a hoodie, sweatpants, and makeshift boots.

Peter sat back, his hands were tired and shaky from so much sewing. He thought that with all of these new abilities, he wouldn’t have to worry about something as small as tiring his hands out from sewing. He had luckily made good time, seeing as May came home only 5 minutes after he finished. Good thing Peter was rushing himself, which was evident in the messy stitching around the sleeves of the new hoodie, or else he wouldn’t have had time to hide this outfit… costume? He didn’t know the proper technicalities of this yet, Peter was basically going into all of this blind, no plans or ideas. Just a need to help people. He shoved the clothes into an empty box and then slid that under his bed. 

“Peter?” May called out, he heard the front door close with a squeak. Even though he had hidden the outfit under his bed, and there would be no way that May could ever find it just by merely looking into the room, Peter still made sure he securely closed his door as he walked out of his room and down the hall. 

“Hey May!” He greeted as he entered the cluttered living room. May had been setting down a few bags on the kitchen counter, she turned and smiled at Peter.

“Hey bud! How was your day?” Peter shrugged and started towards the fridge. He hadn’t eaten anything since he started working on that costume, and boy was he hungry. Peter guessed that the spider bite had also given him a heightened metabolism.

“It was pretty boring, did the usual y’know?” Peter reached into the fridge and grabbed a yogurt, “Just sat around, I worked on that lego set that I got a few weeks ago,” He said as he rummaged through the drawer for a spoon.

“Oh, the uh... Star wars one?” May tried guessing, well, emphasis on tried. Peter smiled at the attempt, letting out a small laugh.

“Yeah, that one,” Peter confirmed, then directed his attention to his yogurt for a moment. He felt a shift in the atmosphere, May sat down across from him at the table. He could sense she’d say something serious in a few seconds, that made Peter a little more than anxious. 

“I talked to the school today,” May started. Peter instantly perked up, this is the conversation he’d been waiting to have with May for ages now. Now that Peter was really looking at her, he could clearly see the smile that she was trying so hard to hide. 

“Yeah?” He asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

“They’re working now on confirming your transfer to Midtown High-” Peter was moments away from interrupting, countless questions just ready to pour out. May quickly raised her finger to quiet Peter. As if she could read his mind, she said,

“-And they’ve agreed to change your name and gender in the school’s system. You’ll have access to the boy's locker room and bathrooms,” Once May was done speaking, Peter cheered and stood up, he had moved so fast that he banged his knee on the edge of the table, causing it to shake and nearly tip over. Peter panicked as he slammed his hands down on the table to keep it steady.

“Yes! Yes! Thank you, May!” High school was only a few months away at this point, and for the longest time, Peter was scared that he wouldn’t be able to switch schools. Let alone get access to the boy's bathrooms and locker rooms. May sat back and watched Peter as he jumped around and continued to cheer. She’d never quite seen him this happy, it made May feel a sense of protection. She would do anything to protect Peter from harm.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts out with a brief summary of his summer, and then, Peter's in high school and everything is fine and dandy until... oh whoops

The school year finished up quickly after that. Peter tried his best to keep on top of his grades while also figuring out his new powers. He’d spent a few weeks trying to perfect a chemical combination to form synthetic spider webs. Eventually, he had worked it all out. Peter then designed his favorite part of his suit, the web shooters. The mechanics part of them was easy, it was just the web fluid that gave him a few issues. But once he had put it all together, Peter was finally ready to go out on the streets. Finally ready to become someone important. 

Over the summer, mostly on days when May was at work or out of the apartment, Peter would get suited up (web shooters and all) and go out into the streets. Swinging between buildings and jumping from roof to roof gave Peter a sense of freedom that he could never fully explain. And even if he could, he doubted that anyone would understand. Though, in all honesty, his current suit was no help to aerodynamics, and more often than not it got in the way of things. It forced Peter to take things slow, to try and not bite off more than he could chew. He really hated that, and he wished that he could modify the suit, make it look better. But he couldn’t risk going too tight around his chest, he was Spider-man, he had to look the part. 

Peter very quickly got used to the feeling of bruised ribs, he was lucky he hadn’t broken one yet. Though he knew he had come close many times. As much as he hated it, Peter forced himself to stop going out as much and to tackle the smaller issues. He had a hard time hiding his sudden and new injuries from May. Even though Peter always told May everything, he just couldn’t tell her this thing, she’d forbid him from ever going out again. Peter couldn’t risk that. So he lied, he hated it, but he lied. He felt that he didn’t have a choice, his hand was being forced here and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing but stay alive.

He came to the disheartening conclusion that Peter couldn’t wear his binder while he was Spider-man. It was holding him back too much, slowing him down. The more he injured himself, the less he could do. The less he could do, the worse he felt. He’d find another way to flatten his chest, but he had to stop wearing the binder, too much was at stake.

Peter sighed as he stood in the mirror, another long day of swinging around the city. He just stood there for a minute, silent, unmoving. Peter examined his own features, he liked the way he looked when he was in the suit. He couldn’t see his face, and the suit was baggy enough that you couldn’t make out any defining features. Then he pulled off the mask, at first he felt a sense of relief. Peter took a deep breath, that thing absorbed all of his sweat from the day. It was kind of disgusting. But once he looked at himself again,  _ really _ looked at himself, Peter felt this sense of. Something. It wasn’t self-hatred, or disgust, like how many people describe it to be. It was self-disappointment, for lack of a better term. He hated how it washed over him whenever he took off the suit. He hated that feeling so much. The waves just pulled him down deeper into a depressive slip, he felt so trapped. He examined his face for a few more seconds, his gaze traveling from his hairline down to his chin. What he despised the most was his jawline, or rather, lack thereof. It was barely defined and barely existent. Peter’s eyes blazed with anger for a moment before he squeezed them shut, he harshly turned away from the mirror and swiftly pulled off the rest of his suit. He shoved it back in the box and tucked it away under his bed. In seconds, Peter was now dressed in his biggest hoodie (what he referred to as his ‘dysphoria hoodie’) and sweatpants. He plopped down on the couch in the living room, ready to kill some brain cells with whatever reality TV was currently on.

 

Freshman year came and went in a fast blur. He’d been doing pretty great at staying stealth. No one really suspected anything, and Peter was grateful for that. He’d met a few kids, none of which he could really call a true friend though. Well, besides Ned. They had been basically best friends the moment they met. They both bonded over weird science facts and the geekiest things, like their shared obsession of Star Wars. Admittedly, it was nice to have someone to talk to and confide in that wasn’t May, though Peter just couldn’t bring himself to tell Ned some things. He didn’t come out to Ned, honestly, Peter was scared to. He had tried multiple times, but every time he started to say it, his throat would close up and his hands would start sweating. So he left it, he never mentioned it and thank god Ned was too oblivious to put all the pieces together.

Peter managed to somehow balance keeping his grades up, maintaining his friendships, and patrolling the city as Spider-man. He didn’t know how he did it, and he wasn’t going to lie about all of the all-nighters he had pulled. It was finally the end of the year, and Peter couldn’t be happier with that. He was absolutely and completely worn out, and all Peter needed was some time to recharge. Luckily he didn’t have to focus on any school work over the summer so he could put all of his energy into being Spider-man. Peter didn’t quite know how he was managing to keep this huge secret, well, a secret. But maybe it was the fear of uncertainty, of what would happen if he did tell people. If word got out that Peter was Spider-man if people found out what had happened to him. Maybe it was just the overwhelming fear that kept his lips tightly sealed. The same fear that closed his throat every time he thought of telling Ned, the same fear he felt every time he entered the boy's locker room, the same fear that constantly clung to him everywhere he went. What would become of Peter Parker if, one day, everyone just knew?

 

The day started out unsuspecting. Everything was fine when Peter lazily rolled out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen. Only wearing his two-sizes-too-big hoodie and boxers. Everything was fine when Aunt May hugged him as he left for school. Everything was fine when Peter approached Ned at the school entrance, when they went inside together, ready to take on another day. So if everything was so fine, if everything was just fine, then how did Peter end up here? Cornered, trapped, and alone. Flash Thompson standing directly in front of him. He was frozen still and scared out of his mind, he was sure that Flash could hear his heartbeat racing a mile a minute. His hands were sweaty and clammy as he tried to grab onto the wall behind him for support. Peter knew deep down that he could easily take on Flash, that in seconds he’d be down and done. But he just couldn’t move. Every muscle and bone inside of him had locked up into place. 

“Are you listening to me, Parker?” Flash taunted. The truth was, no, he was not. Peter instead was trying to calculate the probability of him getting out of this encounter unscathed. Only two words rang out in Peter’s head as Flash continued talking;  _ he knows he knows he knows he knows he- _

“-When were you going to let everyone know Parker-” Flash was physically pretty small, and probably couldn’t cause too much damage on his own.

“-That you’re fake? A fraud? What a laugh-” If Peter could just  _ move _ . He’d be able to easily overpower Flash, he just needed to move but-  _ he knows he knows he knows _ \- how does he know? 

“-A freak. That’s exactly what you are Parker, pathetic-” Peter’s finger twitched, his fist slowly closing. If he made his movements slow and cautious, maybe Flash wouldn’t see it coming. 

“-Wouldn’t it just be a damn shame if the whole school knew?-” He wondered how long it would be until the next gym class came into the locker room, Peter wondered if he even wanted anyone else in there. Right now, it was just him and Flash. Quite frankly, Peter didn’t want to risk the possibility of Flash telling everyone then and there. Then everyone would know because-  _ he knows he knows he knows he knows he- _

“-But don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone, _just yet-_ ” All at once, Peter’s spidey senses went off like sirens. Screaming at him to move. The world slowed down as his gaze zoned in on Flash’s fist, the way it balled up and slowly raised. How timed seemed to slow even more as it came barreling towards his face. Peter’s spidey senses cried out, taking over any and all other senses he had. They drowned out the noise of the world, the noise of Flash, leaving only a white whistling behind. Peter tensed, but didn’t move, he still couldn’t move. The impact sped everything up again and sent Peter sprawling out against the wall, his head banging back against it. Flash quickly pinned Peter to the wall, sending a swift knee to his gut. Then, Flash grabbed his shoulder and threw Peter to the ground. He did nothing to stop it, nothing to fight back. Slowly, the whistling in his ears died down, and Peter could hear again, just in time to hear Flash yell something out as he left the locker room.

“See ya later, Penis Parker,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, i'm sorry, but i had to.


End file.
